Street Cred Lizard King

05.19.09 – Shad Lambert

Photos and Interview by Shad Lambert

Roll in

Blunt Fakie

A girl is sending you boob photos on your phone right now? Ha, yeah.

Let me see. Oh, fully naked, nice. Who is that? I don’t know, can I zoom in? Damn phones are too tech, I can’t figure it out, oooooooover it.

Let’s ask some questions. Why do you like to torture people? I like to torture people because people don’t torture themselves enough, so I figure I might as well torture the fuck out of em. Plus its like I get so bored. I have nothing else to do so I might as well annoy the shit out of someone until they get pissed.

It seems like it’s a genetic trait with you. Dude, it’s in my blood. My dad is a torturer, my brothers are torturers, they all torture the fuck out of all their friends. They’re exactly like me.

How do you do it? Say you were gonna torture Nuge, what would you do? Nuge is too hard to torture, he doesn’t even care, he likes it. That’s a shitty example.

All right, well how would you torture me if I was driving the car? Sit here and spaz out, touch every single thing in your car. Turn all the lights on, open up the sunroof, honk the horn, put on Iggy Pop “I wanna be your dog” for the millionth time and start screaming.

Front Nose Gap

Truck Bash Bonk

Do you think this fact that you like to annoy people is why Geoff Rowley punched you in the face? Ha, yeah. I totally deserved it. I just kept talking to him trying to get something out of him and instead of him telling me to fuck off he just beat the shit out of me. It was awesome.

So what’s up with this sweet loft your living in? Getting evicted from the loft right now, it’s too expensive.

The building manage keeps calling you, but you don’t answer, what’s your plan? I’ve been thinking about it, I’m kind of just leaning towards just never responding to a single one of her phone calls. I’m just gonna move all my shit out in the middle of the night when they’re gone. And then eventually one day they’re gonna come up there with the Sheriff to evict me and I won’t be there. Problem solved because I wont be living there anymore. I’ll be gone and the walls will have “Satan will kill you” spray painted everywhere. They’re gonna be fuckin’ pissed, but you know what? Sorry boutcha.

You turned that nice loft with granite tables, hardwood floors, and crazy ceilings into Hellrose Chapter 5. It’s not like its bad! It’s just the walls are spray painted.

My mom’s the shit, no battle no war.

What did you spray paint on it? Kill yo self, Satan, fuck off, lots of pentagrams and 666s, greenroom everywhere, there’s a bunch of nooses everywhere, upside down crosses, it’s pretty tight.

So you gonna move into another place somewhere or what? I think I’m over living places and stuff. It’s so much easier to not live places. I guess since I don’t have a girlfriend I can’t just to go sleep at her house which would make it easier, but whatever, I don’t really care. I don’t want to live anywhere, I just want to be annoying.

Be like Muska back in the day and just get hotels at the Chateau every night? No, because Muska had money to do that, I don’t.

Maybe you could stay at the Motel 6? Nah, that’s out of my price range too. I kind of want to go back to Utah and just kick it for a little bit. Chill with my BFF, do some painting, hang out in the mountains, skate with the homies.

Well… Thing is a lot of people out here are so unmotivated it pisses me off.

What do you mean? Okay, like I wake up at like 7 O’clock every morning. Then I pace circles going crazy because I can’t even call anyone before 11 or else I’ll be the biggest asshole since people are sleeping. Finally by the time we get to someone’s house, everyone has to smoke eight spliffs, then when we leave to go skate it’s like 3 in the afternoon and I’m getting tired.

You just perfectly described what every skate photographer goes through everyday. Well fuck maybe they should call me, if they got filmers, lets go get a shit load of photos. I need constant action, that’s why I torture people. (Phone Rings) “Hi J Roy. You’re gonna be in the interview.”

How do you torture J Roy? J Roy, how do I torture you? Oh, I probably just come home and be loud on purpose to wake you up right? Scream a lot. I torture him at the Deathwish office too, anyway, let me call you back in a minute J Roy. Another way to torture J Roy is he just asked me when we’re getting evicted, but I refuse to call the lady so don’t have an answer for him.

So what’s you’re plans for the future? Well once I get evicted it’s gonna be skate session 5000. I’m gonna skate and get so much shit, it’s pretty much gonna be awesome bro.

Anything else you want to add to this interview? My mom’s the shit, no battle no war.

Gap Firecracker

Gap Firecracker